The Tale of Two "Kens"

I don't know about anyone else, but I've come to the conclusion that I have been gifted with many people who have made a definite difference in my journey through life. The events that really got me thinking about this subject was the death of two very good friends of mine. The odd thing was that they were both named Ken. So for purposes of not getting them confused I will henceforth refer to them as “Kenny G” and “Kenny B”.

The fact that I had two very good friends named “Ken” is probably not that rare an event, but the fact that they both had a deep impact on my life is to me very memorable. I first met Kenny G when I started to date my wife 47 years ago. My wife was the oldest of 6 children and since Kenny G was one of her favourite older cousins, she looked up to him as her big brother. It seemed like every Friday night before we went out on a date, we always had to stop in at Kenny G's house for a visit with Ken and his wife. Joann. It was through those weekly visits that I first began a relationship that, I didn't know at the time, would deeply impact my life.

Then there was “Kenny B,” the other Ken in my life. At the writing of this story my good friend has just recently passed away and the grief of his loss is still very fresh and at the forefront of my thoughts. I first met “Kenny B” probably over 35 years ago. His youngest son and my oldest son started school at the same time and were in each other's class all the way through grade school. Although Kenny B was not that tall, he could be very physically imposing. However once he started to talk and flashed one of his famous smiles and let out a hearty laugh you knew there was a heart of gold lying beneath the surface just waiting to burst out. Just like his counterpart, the other Ken, our relationship grew from acquaintance to a lasting friendship that I already sadly miss.

I have been very fortunate to have had many good friends throughout the years. As I was growing up my next door neighbour and I went all through grade school, high school, and university together. We both even moved to the Toronto area after graduation, but like most friendships, time and distance gets in the way. Unfortunately we lost touch and that once strong flame of friendship has become just a faint flicker of what it was. Although I am sad that our friendship has dwindled to just a good memory, I am also very grateful for all those years of our close friendship. Without his influence I would never have got one of my first jobs, never had that first date with my wife 47 years ago, and maybe never would have finished university. Who knows where I would have ended up. I truly believe we were put into each other's lives for a reason. I have become the person I am, partially due to his friendship. He was definitely a big part of my journey in the early years of my life. I am certain that I too, probably had a lasting impact on his journey as well.

As I look back, I've also remembered the number of people who have made a significant impact in my life over the years. There were those who have taught me, have given me employment, have inspired me in my faith, and those who have loved me and supported me through both the good and bad times. Some of those people have appeared for just a brief period in my journey but all have made an impact, some big, some small, some good and some not so good.

I truly believe there was a reason I was born to my parents, Al and Ruth, and raised with the values and faith I received from them. I'm also sure it was more than just fate that led me to meet and marry my wife, Rachelle. She has been my source of strength, encouragement and inspiration throughout my journey. Of course I can't forget our families. That goes without saying. They are our roots and our constant support. Each one of us should give thanks for the family we have been blessed with no matter how dysfunctional they might be.

I guess that's why the two Ken's are so special in my life. Although we have no common blood between us, they were family to me and they too were a constant support. In fact in many ways they have been closer to me than my own family. I'm sure that most people can say the same thing about their closest friends as well. So with all this said, let me try to explain why these two “Kens” have played such an important role in my life.

I will start with “Kenny G” and try to explain why I felt such a close bond with him. As I stated earlier I first met Kenny G when I was probably still just 20 years old. Our friendship grew slowly, from having a beer and hanging out for a half hour before a date with Rachelle, to our weekly golf games and even vacationing together to Myrtle Beach on our yearly golf trip.

Our conversations would always start out talking weather, sports, or current events but somehow Ken would always have a way of cutting through the crap and we would share on a deeper level. In many ways Ken became like a big brother image to me as well, and just like brothers we were not always nice to one another. We were constantly giving each other a hard time and even pulling practical jokes on one another. Our little jokes were really just an underlying affection we had for one another. If we were too nice to one another, there must be something seriously wrong.

I still remember one autumn night, Rachelle and I visited Ken and his wife Joann. Ken had been busy that day raking leaves and had left big piles neatly raked on his front lawn. Well as we left I decided it would be pretty funny to kick and spread those piles all over his lawn. I knew Ken was watching from his window, which I thought made it even funnier. Well Ken didn't think it was that funny. Two days later I awoke to find I could not open the front door of my house. As I peaked out the window all I could see was leaves probably seven feet high covering my entire front porch. Attached to the railings of my front porch was a eight foot long sign saying “Home of Dave “The LEAF” Leslie.” Ken definitely won that round and from that moment on, Ken would quite often refer to me as “ the LEAF” and everyone knew who he was talking about.

Kenny G also had a very warm side to him that not everyone got to see . Ken could be very intimidating when he wanted to be, which suited him well in his profession , working in the union at Ford Motor Company. Fortunately I was allowed in past his invisible wall of manly protection and knew the real Ken. As I stated earlier Ken became like a big brother to me. He also became my protector in many ways as well.

When I was going out of business, Ken was the one that stood by me and bought some of my store displays to help me out financially. Ken also ,without my knowledge, filled out an application for me at Ford's and slipped it to the top of the pile at his office. Ken knew I was being laid off from Hiram Walker's on the next Friday. You can imagine my surprise when I received a call from Ford's advising me to report to work on the next Monday. I didn't even miss a day of work. Although I only worked at Ford's for 3 or 4 years before I left to seek other employment, Ken was always a constant support for my decisions.

Friends like Kenny G don't come along very often in someone's life. I will be eternally grateful for the friendship that we had. There were many times when we wouldn't talk for weeks and yet when we did get together, it was like we were never apart. We would just pick up where we left off. Our friendship was truly a special gift.

Although I have so many great memories of Kenny G over the years, I believe my greatest memory is the example he showed to not only me, but for all those that knew and loved him. I can still remember Ken's phone call like it was yesterday on a cool autumn day just after dinner. The conversation started with the niceties and then Ken told me that he had just seen a specialist today and then he dropped the bomb, “I only have six months to live.” I'm not sure exactly how I responded to that. I know I didn't believe him at first and thought he was just screwing around. He then explained he had been diagnosed with Creuzfeldt-Jakob disease. The doctor told him the disease only infected one in a million. As our conversation was about to come to an end Ken said , “It is what it is” There was no real sadness or “Why Me”, in the statement, but almost like an acceptance of something he knew was going to happen.

Of course, I googled Creuzfeldt-Jakob right away and read about this terrible, debilitating disease. I won't get into details, but suffice it to say it is probably one of the worst deaths that one could experience. It quickly deprives a person of their senses and abilities to function. Ken knew all this and accepted his fate with a strength and dignity that I have never before had the experience to witness. I pray that when it is my turn to leave this earthly existence that I too, may have the strength and faith, to accept my fate as Ken showed all of us. I truly believe that was the greatest gift that “Kenny G” could have ever left us with and for that I give thanks to God for a life well lived. I have been truly blessed to have had “Kenny G” journey with me for all those years.

Then there was “Kenny B”, the other Ken in my life. As I stated earlier, I first met Ken some 35 plus years ago. My first memory of Ken was seeing him walking down St. Rose Avenue every Saturday morning on his way to confession at our church. I always wondered what Ken could have done this week that was so bad he had to go to confession. I soon discovered that Ken was a man of great faith who had been raised in a strict Catholic family and this was a normal practice for a lot of our French Canadian families.

I really did not understand totally about the sacrament of reconciliation but I assumed that Kenny B must be a really holy man. Well, it didn't take him long to prove me wrong. All you had to do was to go a party with Ken and you got to see a man who loved people and have a lot of fun. There may have even been a few beers involved. Ken showed me that it was alright to be a Christian and still cause a little “hell” every once in a while. I may have even joined in the festivities once or twice.

Now to say that Kenny B and I were very close would not be totally accurate. We would get together probably only once a month but I always looked forward to those times of friendship. There was something special about Kenny B that I could always relate to. In some ways we were like kindred spirits. We enjoyed the same of life's little treasures and we actually enjoyed each other's warped sense of humour.

I remember back to the early 80's when one of our good friends decided to move back to his original home of New York city. Ken asked me if I wanted to go with him to take our friend to Metro Airport in Detroit. On our trip to the airport we were all talking normally and goofing around making smart ass remarks to each other as always. When we reached the airport Kenny B's demeanour changed from being jovial to an air of melancholy. It was like a cloak of sadness overcame him.

I cannot remember exactly what Kenny B said to our friend but the words were so heartfelt that we all began to cry and hug one another. Ken gave our buddy one last final bear hug and told him he loved him. I was kind of speechless and overcome with the strangest feeling. This was all fairly new to me. I was raised in a family of handshakes instead of hugs and no one said “I love you”, that was just supposed to be understood. But Kenny B's love was so genuine and heartfelt. I felt very privileged to have been a witness to the real Kenny B that day and have never forgotten that special moment of showing me what true friendship was all about.

I'm sure you may remember the television show, “the King of Kensington”. Well Kenny B was the King of St. Rose Avenue. The sidewalk on the side of St. Rose cut directly across Ken's front yard. If Ken was outside in his front lawn as you were walking by, you couldn't get by without at least saying “Hello”. Every time I would go by as Ken was cutting the grass, he'd turn his lawnmower off and a quite often a short conversation would occur. It never failed , but after 10 to 15 minutes, Ken's wife Heather would stick her head out the front door to see why the lawnmower had stopped or probably to see who was Ken talking to this time. I'm sure I am not the only one who will miss Ken's wave or smile as they pass by his house. Kenny B's outgoing nature and concern for his neighbour was truly a gift for all of us and something I can hope to one day be guilty of myself.

Over the years Rachelle and I were blessed to be in a faith sharing group with Kenny B and Heather and two other couples. This is where I got to see the depth of character of Kenny B, the man, the loving husband and father, the devoted son, the proud papa to his grandchildren, and caring friend. Our conversations would always start out talking about our faith, but somehow we would always go off on some type of tangent and soon there was always a few good stories and lots of laughter. Of course Ken was the one telling most of the stories and laughing the loudest.

I think that's why Ken and I seem to click. We both had the same weird sense of humour mixed with a deep faith in a God that loves us in spite of all our shortcomings and failures. I can still remember our last conversation together. It came just a week before Kenny B died. He first asked me if I had been praying for him while he was in the hospital one month earlier. I told him, “Thanks a lot you A—hole, you scared the sh-t out of us, you just wanted to make me pray for you.” We both laughed and then Kenny B asked me “What do you think it's like when you die?” In retrospect I wish had come up with a better answer. I told him how you hear about all these people that have near death experiences and they all say that they saw a bright light and didn't want to come back because it's was just so peaceful. We all sort of made a joke of it and the changed the subject. There were a few of us there that night, actually the members of our faith sharing group, and as we were leaving Ken made sure to give us all the biggest bear hug and tell each of us why we were so special to him.

I've often wondered since that day, did Kenny B know he was dying? This thought resurfaced just recently when Rachelle had visited one of the older parishioners from our church and he told her he wouldn't be here tomorrow as he was going to die the next day. He died the next day, just as he had prophesied. How could he have known? Did Kenny B know that he was dying too?

“Kenny G” knew he was dying. How was he able to accept such a fate with dignity and an acceptance that seems almost unattainable to me? I don't have the answers, but obviously there is something unexplained. I have to believe that there is a second life that we all are knowingly or unknowingly aspiring to attain. My faith tells me that there must be a God and a heaven. All I really know is I don't have all the answers, just lots of questions.

I truly believe that Kenny G and Kenny B were put into my life for a reason. It wasn't by accident that these two Ken's have made such an impact in my life's journey.

They have both taught me so much on how to live a meaningful life, not so much by their words but by their actions. Their examples of friendship, love for their families, faith in God and truly caring for all those around them have left an indelible mark on my soul.

Their deaths were certainly not in vain. Although both of their deaths have left an irreplaceable hole in all our hearts, they have also shown us how to live with a strength and dignity right to our final breath. Their example will never be forgotten.

My grandfather told me a story not long before he died, about how he was sitting on a park bench down by the river one day when a young man sat next to him and asked him a question. The young man said to him, “Hey old man, what's the secret to life?” My grandfather quoted to him a verse from the bible, Micah 6 verse 8, which says:
“What does the Lord require of us,
But to do what is just,
To act with constant love,
And to walk in humble fellowship with God.”

It is my belief that both Kenny G and Kenny B lived their lives with justice, love and a deep faith in a God that loves us all. It is my hope that someday someone will be able to say the same of me. Thank you to Kenny G and Kenny B for giving me the gift of their friendship.

Your Loving Friend,
Dave